This does seem to be the theme for artists, doesn't it? Why does the creative lifestyle seem to be so difficult for most? There definitely seems to be a conflict between creative and earning cash. You can either have one or the other. So, how do artists survive without having eternal battles of unemployment, self-esteem and depression? Do they have someone in their corner pulling for them from their past or present or possibly did they struggle growing up? Is there something in their makeup that pushes them to struggle and survive simultaneously in adulthood? Josh and I debate about our personal experiences with this all the time. For me, my optimism motivates me to create and work towards a goal. That's how I operate. For Josh, it sometimes sounds to me like he is defeating himself before he gets started. But the longer we are married, the more that I realize it's a difference of opinion and perception and he usually comes back to me that he is being realistic. I feel I am realistic as well, but the future outcome that I want is more optimistic than the future outcome that he believes will happen. We have analyzed this quite a bit and analyzed specifically about the differences in how we were raised. Though we both come from divorced families, my parents re-married and have been for 25+ years, where his mom remained single until he was in his 30's. She usually worked 2 jobs while raising him and his sister (11 years younger than he). While he was young, he can remember his mom struggling to pay rent and bills, while I remember mostly happy memories like visiting my grandparents and step-grandparents and enjoying vacations and having support at my sports and choir events. College was never an option for me. I was presented with questions like, "Where do you want to go?" and "What do you want to do for your career?" Josh's family didn't really push him towards college, though I think
they wanted him to go. I can remember, at one time, wanting to pursue a singing career and my
mom encouraged me another direction because of the lack of security in
the field. I wound up in a science-based career. He grew up in a town that was highly influenced
by the Chrysler plant, which was where his parents worked. Most people grew up and got a
job at that plant or a local manufacturing facility of some type. Josh
often felt that was the direction his family expected him to go, though
he wanted more for himself, but what.....? That was always the question. His goal of getting a college degree came true in 2010 with a B.S. in Behavioral Sciences. But by the time he got there, he was burnt out in the social services field and there have been no jobs to be had that he would like. He is a man of all trades, literally, but none are specific enough to be in the "Corporate World." We've tried and tried to find him something and finally caved to a non-traditional career while also trying to continue starting up Brass Hammer Designs (which right now feels like it's losing steam). And after reading this blog posted by Todd, I have to wonder if this is what it means to be a struggling artist.... "The imperative is on each individual to find their voice." (Accidental Creative interviewing Justine Musk)
Just as I type this, I'm starting to realize that finding this "voice" IS the journey of the struggling artist. Actually, the more I think about it, as I watch my lover, husband and live-in artist look for his voice, I realize that I may have quit pursuing my own voice somewhat. While he's still searching for his purpose, I got too settled into the idea that I had found mine. In fact, I gave in to the rat race around me years ago. I strive to make a difference in this world, but I actually am confined to the 4 walls of the "corporate structure" and struggle with my own personal creativity much more often than he does. Finally five days in to my vacation in the most beautiful place I know, I am starting to feel creative juices flow enough to write this blog. I am plagued with the optimistic thought that "Maybe, just maybe, we can figure out a way to move here earlier than retirement years." Josh, the realistic-struggling-artist, knows that we can't move here til we get ducks in a row back home and that could take 15-20 years. But I am craving MY inner artist and "voice" and he already knows the reality is that it is a constant struggle. Is he protecting me or is he being a realist? Either way, I know the optimistic realist in me says that it will take time before we can take the leap to move to our future home. So off I go to plan my goal to pursue and figure out how to make it happen earlier than planned.....
Til next time,
Jen
Wife/Manager, Brass Hammer Designs
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